Apr 30 2012

Every day.

Take a day every once in a while and completely slow down. Be sentimental. Stare into a candle and watch the way it flickers. Count the colors in the sunset. Take an old book you’ve read time after time, and pick apart every word. Take it in in a new way each time. Think about the things you’re stressing over, and ask yourself, “is this really what I wanted? Is this going to help me in the long run?”

Remember that this entire world you are walking on is a miracle in itself. We are all miracles. Grace fills the scars in our heart and on our skin. Hope fills thoughts of uncertainty. Music consoles us. Love ties it all together.

 

Apr 23 2012

Maybe this beauty I see is a sign of something more.

As I get ready to walk out the door this morning to start off the week, I’m stopping to take a loot around at all of the miracles that happen all around me. I never truly realized how amazing it is that life falls together in the way that it does. As suddenly as it can fall apart, it can pull itself right back together. When one door slams shut on your finger, a whole hallway of new paths can stand wide open waiting to be explored.

Every day when I open my eyes to the sun rising once again, I realize that my life has once again been touched by grace. The way everything happens so perfectly, the way the sky can shift hues in a matter of minutes… all of it is extraordinary. I see the world in such a different light than I had just months before. I was in a very bad place at the time, both physically and emotionally. Everyone I talked to would tell me that it would get better. That there was hope. To keep fighting. To start better habits. That I was needed here.

And now, three years later, I’m starting to believe it. Maybe it’s a matter of trust. Maybe it’s because of all the things that have changed for the good. I still have my days and weeks where nothing works right. I remember the mistakes I’ve made and the promises I’ve broken. I miss the people I’ve let down and talk to the ones I unknowingly push away. And then, there are the days when I feel surrounded and embraced in unexpected love. I notice the beauty and perfection of a tiny flower blooming out in the front yard. My eyes are opened to the opportunities I’ve been gracefully and carefully given in order to make my life what I want it to be. All of the little signs start adding up to something so great.

As the months fly by, revelations and sacrifices come and go. Some are good ideas; and some, well…aren’t. I’m finally starting to see the scratches I’ve made on the surface of the earth become something deeper, more permanent. I’m starting to claim my spot here, and really committing myself to it. I’ve come to terms with the fact that maybe I wasn’t meant to be your normal teenager. I never have been. And maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe this beauty I see is a sign of something more.

Apr 20 2012

Day of Silence

I was 12 years old when I came out. I attempted suicide less than a month later because of the constant bullying. A few years later, a friend took his life for the same reason.

For the past 11 years I’ve struggled with reconciling my sexuality and my faith. Finally three years ago, I discovered Cornerstone MCC, the church that saved my life.

That’s the foundation behind Open Our Eyes. We want you to know that despite the horrid things you’ve been told, God’s grace IS available to YOU. You’re are wonderfully made.

Today on Day of Silence we pause to remember those who didn’t receive the second chance at life that I received. The Day of Silence is a student-led national event that brings attention to anti-GLBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools. Students from middle school to college take a vow of silence in an effort to encourage schools and classmates to address the problem of anti-GLBT behavior by illustrating the silencing effect of bullying and harassment on GLBT students and those perceived to be GLBT.

Remain silent today. Then tomorrow USE YOUR voice to save a life.

Apr 18 2012

I may have lost my way now, haven’t forgotten my way home.

 

 

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head

 I tried my best to be guarded, I’m an open book instead

 I still see your reflection inside of my eyes

That are looking for a purpose, they’re still looking for life

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing with a broken heart that’s still beating

 In the pain, is there healing? In your name, I find meaning

So I’m holdin’ on, I’m barely holdin’ on to you

I’m hangin’ on another day just to see what you throw my way

And I’m hanging on to the words you say

You said that I will be okay

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone I may have lost my way now, haven’t forgotten my way home.

For today, I just want to leave everyone with a simple yet very important reminder- every step matters.

No matter how convinced you are that you’ll be stuck on the same bed, in the same house, in the same miserable place…you won’t be.

No matter how much you’ve been hurt, healing is possible.

No matter how long you’ve been waiting to be rescued, help will arrive.

Even if your miracle hasn’t come around yet, they still exist.

Apr 11 2012

Friend Request

My beautiful sister, Danielle, posted this on her Facebook a month ago and I wanted to share it with all of you.  I hope it challenges your idea of community in such a digital world.  - Brittny

 

“Buddy. Pal. Mate. Chum.” Whatever  you call it… What is a  f r i e n d ?

Good ol’ Webster says:

  • Friend (fre nd) n. – A person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, and loyalty.

–  I’m currently taking a Sociology of Mass Media course at school and it’s given me a new insight on this word we use to classify the people we know as “friends”. Through the use of social networking, our internet capability has given us accessibility to people, news and events around the world almost instantaniously. This has positive and negative effects on society. With sites like facebook, twitter, foursquare etc. we provide information to a community of people that notifies them about our personal lives, opinions and emotions, our current events, even our where-abouts. We’ve becomesocially transparent. For some, this shift in interpersonal relationships has been a positive thing. It’s made communication easier for those who have a hard time talking to people in a social setting. But, we are slowly becoming a generation of social media dependency that even I am guilty of. You’d be lying if you said you’ve never signed onto facebook and browsed your friends profiles to see what they’re up to, instead of picking up the phone or driving to their house to see how they’re doing. It’s just quicker and more convenient for us to sit in our room and read a computer screen as opposed to actually communicating and interacting with another person face-to-face. This has caused a negative impact on how we view one another. There is no validity in a status update or a picture posted to their wall about a person’s well-being.

 

“Facebook ” couldn’t be a more appropriate name for the site we update day to day. Everytime we sign on, we hide our face behind a screen that allows us to become an open book to the people on our friend list. This prevents us from interacting with one another and creating real relationships.

 

  • Did you know the average user spends about 15 hours and 33 minutes on Facebook per month?  Scary, huh?

 

Our generation has become mesmerized by social media interaction. Think about it & ask yourself these questions: How many people are on your friends list? Now… how many of those people do you talk to or see on a regular basis?

- and I don’t mean through your computer screen. Sometimes I ask myself who some of them even are. As sad as it is, it’s the truth. Social networking has created a gap in how we interact with the people around us. We add friends we met just once to see who they are, where they’re from, what mutual friends we have. Where we used to visit friend’s houses, we’ve replaced with visiting pages. We no longer have to memorize phone numbers, birthdays or anniversaries because they’re right at our fingertips. [Side Note: I don't want anyone to think I'm anti-social networking, internet or social media as a whole, because I'm not.] I like being in contact with old friends I haven’t seen in awhile. I enjoy getting updates from friends I have all over the world. I just think we need to change our ways and our intentions. I don’t want the way my profile portrays me to reflect the person I truly am. There are truths behind it, but in all honesty, I want to change.

 

As you know, the season of Lent has arrived and we are asked to sacrifice one thing we normally find is a necessity on a daily basis. Some people give up chocolate (because who can deny that stuff?). Others give up soda. I’ve tried to give up profanity in the past. But this year, I’m taking a different approach. I’m going to give up facebook for awhile. Now I know that people say that all of the time and classify it as just a “cry for attention”, but in all seriousness, I want to change this dependency. I want to put myself out there in the world and interact in a new way. I don’t want to sit here and obsess over why my old friends haven’t contacted me. I refuse to be ashamed of my real life that I have to play a different role online.

 

So, dear friends, this is my request . Whether you live a few miles away, or across the globe. Take the time you would have normally logged onto facebook and apply that in other areas of your life.Make a change. Face the issues you’ve been dealing with and share them with someone else. You’ll feel better about yourself because you got it off your chest. Don’t be afraid. Confront the person you’ve been shutting out of your life. Spark up a conversation. Talk to an old friend and meet up with them to see how they’re doing. Create new memories. Visit family you haven’t seen in awhile.Make a new friend. Say “hello” to a complete stranger, it might just change their day. Write a letter. Send it to a friend who lives far away. Leave your mark. Say or write encouraging words to someone you know who needs them. (or on a card & place it anonymously where they wont see it.) Just so they know someone is thinking of them. Pass it on. Be kind to someone else and ask them to participate with you.

 

This is true interaction.

 

On that note, I’m signing off. But I’ll be back. If you’d like to get in touch with me, please do before I take off.  Message me. Write me a letter. If you have my number, contact me. I really want this to work and I hope you try it too.

 

Operation friend request  is a go.

 

Until next time.

Be well.